I don't know what makes Friday nights so hard. Somehow each Friday creeps up on me and I feel it in my soul. The gaping loss, the black hole of his absence. It's date night. Even though we have kids and don't usually go out, the lack of an early wake up usually results in late night movie watching and cuddling on the couch until the wee hours. I miss it. This one night in particular seems to scream, " You are alone!" more than any other night. I try to stave off the feeling. I let the kids stay up later, talk on the phone, goof off on facebook, but eventually the time comes and everyone is in bed but me and I feel myself sliding into the funk.
It's not our first deployment. I knew this was coming and yet it doesn't really make a difference. It doesn't even matter if the week was wonderful. He's still gone. I'm thinking of making Friday "Book and Bubble Bath" night. It's a little splurge that might make my week end just a little more softly. I want to walk through this 12 months as positively as possible. I don't want to live the next year of my life wishing for the fast forward or unable to enjoy our boys. There is something to be said for knowing you can hold down the fort all alone and do it well. I know that to be true about myself having survived an extended deployment and I want to do it better. That being said, tonight is the first Friday and I think I am just going to let the mood take me where it may. Armed with chocolate and candles, I am going to curl up in my bed and let myself miss him a little bit more....
No comments:
Post a Comment