Life Unexpected

    
     Sometimes I wish life could be simpler and cooperate with our plans. We had the amazing plans to meet in Egypt for his R&R and celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary with the exotic honeymoon we never had. This was the ideal plan for so many reasons outside of the obvious. We always plan R&R for 9 months in so that the worst is over and it doesn't seem so long until we are together again. We were going away because it can be so hard on the kids  to go through the goodbyes again. They don't cry when he leaves. That part they take in stride, but because they are still so young it results in acting out and difficulties in school. So in short my life gets very hard while I try to help them navigate the changes in their life. Whenever possible we try to minimize that. And that is where life steps in and blows away the best laid plans.
     Jim's stepdad was diagnosed with cancer before he left for the deployment. We were hopeful that the chemo would buy us some time. That wasn't to be. I called Red Cross when things got bad and they sent him out on emergency leave within a few days but it wasn't fast enough. I had to tell my husband that his stepfather passed the night before his flight arrived. He had lost his real father 11 years ago. He and Sam had grown extremely close especially since we had children. My kids lost the only grandfather they really knew. My dad doesn't live close and doesn't see the kids as often as we would like. I lost my Friday night date during Jim's deployments. It was so bittersweet to see Jim get off that plane. I wanted to see him and hold him so bad....but not like this.
     We did the only thing that you can do when life throws the unexpected your way, we made the best of it. All in all every one seemed to cope as well as could be expected given the awful circumstances. The boys were so thrilled to see their dad. I had told them that Daddy was coming home for a visit to say goodbye to Grandpa but didn't tell them exactly when so that there would be no issues or upset if he was delayed. Gabe's face was priceless so surprised.
      Outside of funeral related events we tried to enjoy our time together. We played guitar and xbox. Took the boys to the drive-in, did homework and ate family dinners. Two weeks is just long enough to slip into a rhythm. It's enough time to get used to help with homework and bedtime. Its enough time to get used to grown up conversation after the boys are in bed and spooning in bed....just enough time to remind me how much I hate to be alone all the time.
     It was a great visit. I wouldn't take back anything except the circumstances under which it occurred. I just wish I could get my head back in the game to do this next six months. For whatever reason this particular deployment feels as if it is taking forever. My mission for the next few weeks is to make a game plan for coping with the aftermath of the unexpected. I will choose to do a thing or two for myself to drag me out of my post-visit funk. I will focus extra energy on making sure the kids get the consistency and stability they need to cope with change and loss. I will focus on as many positives as possible. I will actively engage myself in activities to make the time pass more quickly. Ultimately my job is to use this time to model to my kids healthy coping mechanisms. I can always have a glass of wine and a good cry when they are in bed:)