Things You Miss the Most

It's easy in life not to recognize all the things your spouse contributes to your life while they are present. You are too focused on the daily grind and little annoyances like obnoxious best friends and flatulence. However when they leave you realize all the little things they make possible: taking a shower alone while it's daylight, uninhibited grocery shopping, keeping the house some semblance of clean, five minutes of decompression time after work, adult conversation,etc. While all of those things sound fantastic and unattainable at the moment there is one thing that tops the list: touch. Yes, being the mom of two very active boys, affords me the opportunity to be poked, prodded, and climbed like a jungle gym 12-15 hours out of every day. It still doesn't replace that other kind of touch. Before your dirty little minds get carried away I don't mean sex( although it's definitely on the list of things I miss!).  I cherish every enthusiastic hug and sticky chocolate kiss my little men grace me with but it doesn't fill that void where Jim used to be. Hand holding, laying my head in his lap, his hand on my leg while I drive. Not all couples are very physically affectionate but we have always been. Even just sitting on the couch reading or watching TV we are usually touching. Now there is just this void where that contact used to be. Maybe it's not the touch itself so much as what it represents. It represents comfort and companionship. It is the physical embodiment of the emotional bond that we have shared for more than a decade now. Unfortunately that is part I can't substitute. I do find myself giving the kids the extra snuggle when I can, petting the cats more often, and hugging friends and family more( probably much to their dismay....they're not all so touchy-feely), but at the end of the day I miss him stroking my hair and all the other little touches that make up the dance of love.